What She Has
by alltherealice
Summary: Sequel to 'What She Needs' Set towards the end of S5. Tara's crazy, Buffy at the end of her rope, and Spike's trying his hardest to stay in love with the Slayer and to leave Willow and Tara alone. He of course, is failing miserably. WS
1. Spike Pines

This is the not so long awaited sequel to my story, 'What She Needs' You probably aren't here reading this if you haven't read that one, but just incase you should go and do so. It's not to long, and this story will be a lot easier to understand if you do.   
  
Disclaimer: It still belongs to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. I'm neither of those, so the odds are very good that I don't own this, nor am I making any money off it.

Many thanks to Missy for having i beta'ed and ready for me when I got up! You are a peach and a half!

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What She Has  
  
by alltherealice  
  
Being alone was... lonely. But at least then you felt you had a permission to feel that way. You're allowed to feel alone when there's no one around. You're not supposed to feel that way when your best friends are hovering around you 22/7.   
  
Twenty-two because the only time you don't feel alone is during those two hours a day your allowed to see her. But she doesn't even recognize you anymore. So you still don't feel alone, because right then she's all you need.   
  
Sadly you don't hold the same significance for her.   
  
She needs her brain restored to it's former state more than she needs you whispering platitudes to her, but you do it anyway.   
  
She needs drugs and restraints, according to the doctors, which she has.   
  
At least for that first week, after that she's released.   
  
---  
  
It wasn't a very good plan. Get in a large motorized vehicle and drive away. Straight forward, and useable, at least in short term. But not really a good solid plan that gives you a lot of hope that you'll live to exist longer than the tank of gas you're running on. It wasn't a good plan and they all seemed to know that.   
  
But no one was saying that to Buffy.   
  
He and the Demon Girl were the only ones who seemed the least bit enthusiastic about their situation.   
  
'God knows what her reason is.' Spike thought, as she yammered on about a road trip and some movies she'd seen on the topic. His reason however was obvious. Everyone knew it even if none of them had spared it a second thought. It was just that easy to figure out.   
  
Buffy had come to him for help. She'd sought him out and he'd agreed in a flash. He loved her after all. He wasn't about to refuse.   
  
'She's not seeking you out anymore though.' He sniped mentally at himself. They were in the Winnebago, the bad plan was in action, and there was no more reason for any further thought on his presence. She wasn't reaching out to forge any new bonds. That bothered him even though he knew better than to expect it to happen.   
  
Sure she came to him. But she did so grudgingly, because there was no one else to go to.   
  
He knew it would never happen, but he still kept expecting it to.   
  
Fed up with himself and his patheticness, Spike left the cramped "kitchen table" and for lack of anywhere else to go, the Watcher had pulled the tinfoil off the windshield so the front of the escape vehicle was out, besides that Buffy was in the passenger seat, and since she was the reason he was so disgusted with himself he headed for the back. There was a small room cut off from her there.   
  
---  
  
Turning her head towards the sound of knocking at the door, the door separating her from everyone else, she softly called for whoever it was to come in. The door opened a crack and Spike's clipped tone asked her if the curtains were closed.   
  
She told him they were and he came in, closing the door behind him and giving her a nod in greeting. She offered a wan smile in reply, before turning her head towards Tara. She was sleeping. Thankfully. She rarely slept anymore, she was far to bust muttering nonsense and being crazy to sleep.   
  
"Sorry about earlier." When my girlfriend almost caused you to burst into flames. She didn't mean it.   
  
"S'alright." Spike returned, surprised she would apologize for something that wasn't her fault, after the fact and when she'd already apologized profusely at the time. The more he thought about it, the less surprised he was that she'd do that. It was a Willow thing to do, be considerate and all, but he was surprised she'd extend that consideration to him. "So how you holding up Red?"   
  
"Oh well... you know." She said the last part with significance, because he did know. He nodded his understanding, his eyes landing on a red mark on her jaw line as she turned to face him briefly before continuing and turning to look at one of the curtained windows, "It's hard. I don't know how you did it for so long. How you stayed with you crazy girlfriend, and still managed to mourn when the relationship ended. It's been barely two weeks and I've wanted to take her back to the hospital or send her to her awful family more than once."   
  
"Do you think I didn't want to stake Drusilla daily?" Spike asked sitting on the edge of the bed, a spot on the right of Willow, the only place left to sit. Her Girl took up most of the room in her sleep, her head was in Willow's lap. Willow shrugged in response to his question, running her hands through her girlfriend's hair, probably not even realizing that, that small amount of trust that her Girl was giving to her was what was going to keep her going until the next day.   
  
He dreaded the day when Willow realized it to, the day when she realized all the brief moments of love and trust she'd felt over the years, the ones everyone promised were the only ones that counted, were nothing compared to when a crazy person deemed you unworthy to take care of them. By then, the bad times would out weigh the good, they'd all blur together, and all you'd really be able to remember about your time together was the frustration. The anger. The pain.   
  
"Because I did." He continued, "She'd get to talking about her 'Daddy' about how I didn't meet up to his standards. And she'd tell me she hated me and I'd die a little inside. She always knew when she did that, she'd laugh, and when I finally decided that enough was enough. Then, I would go to get the stake she'd look at me, and she'd be the Drusilla I loved. I just couldn't. When she was the Drusilla I loved I forgot I ever wanted to do anything but worship her." The corner of his mouth quirked up in a sad smile when Willow stopped stroking her sleeping girls hair to reach over and give his hand a squeeze, one of pity and understanding. He squeezed back and she let go, resuming her previous action.   
  
Sighing he started to speak again, "It's not about what you wish you could do. What you think you have to do to keep your own sanity." He turned to look at Willow fully, catching her chin and turning her to look him in the eye, "What matters is what you do do." He saw the old Willow, the one who'd been friends with the Demon Magnet all her life, surface for a brief second to suppress a smile at his choice of words, "It doesn't matter that she doesn't know you, or that she hits you," he brushed his thumb over the mark on her face, "What matters is that you take care of her despite it."   
  
He leaned in towards her and gave her an encouraging smile, "What matters is that you love her even though it's not soft and sweet, or easy."   
  
He released his hold on her, stopped going over the mark on the curve of her jaw when the door opened a few seconds later. The sound startling the crazy girl awake, she looked around the small room spooked before focusing on Willow and visibly calming. He watched as Willow's eyes brightened and she smiled a real smile as she saw it as well, and he remembered why he refused to let himself love her.   
  
Because she didn't need him.   
  
'She has what she needs.'  
  
-----  
  
TBC


	2. Spike Seethes

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What She Has  
  
Chapter 2  
  
"Is this really what we want to do?" Willow questioned the small group gathered in the Summer's... Dawn's living room. It couldn't really be called a group, just a trio really. Herself, Xander, and Spike. Giles and Anya were at the shop, and Dawn was school shopping with Tara. Everyone but Dawn had weighed in on the topic previously. This was, hopefully, the last of many secret discussions on the topic.   
  
'It's the last one I'm going to be involved with at least.' Willow thought to herself. But then she thought that during all the subsequent discussions as well. She just hoped it was true this time.   
  
"No." Xander spoke up, and Willow looked at him gratefully, glad she wasn't the one to be saying it. Spike, who was hovering in the entry way to avoid the sun rays peeking through the not quite closed curtain, closed his eyes and nodded, conceding without fight to the fact that once, just once, he was going to agree with the Boy. He quickly retracted that thought though, when he didn't stop there,  
  
"No. We don't want to do this. But," Xander glanced at the front door and continued, "We have to. For Dawn." He glanced at the front door again as if worried that just saying the teenagers name would make her appear. It didn't, but Dawn had a habit of appearing when you were discussing things you weren't quite ready to share with her.   
  
"Right." Willow whispered, "For Dawn. We can't lose her too." She barely registered that Spike had left the room. "I'm going to go start dinner." She informed Xander blankly, "Tara and Dawn are supposed to be back at six, so be back by 5:30, we'll figure out the game plan then." She didn't wait for his reply as she walked into the kitchen, only peripherally acknowledging anything around her.   
  
---  
  
"We're back." said Dawn, who sounded upbeat compared to how sedate she had been recently. Tara followed Dawn into the room and the sound of crinkling bags of clothes and school supplies filled the house. Dawn faltered back a step as she saw the group of people watching them from various posts around the living room. Everyone was watching her as she set her heft of bags down next to the stairs. They were all staring at her expectantly, her hands, of their own volition gripped a death grip on her purse.   
  
"Whats going on?" She asked shakily, looking at the group, all of them were there. And while that in itself wasn't strange, it was usually a casual, "Hey how ya doing?" type of thing. This didn't feel like that.   
  
"Nothing's going on Dawnie." Tara was the one to speak, as if she would know, as if she hadn't spent the whole day with Dawn away from everyone. 'Their planning something.' She thought to herself even as Willow stood and excused herself from the room, saying something about dinner.   
  
"We just thought a dinner with everyone would be nice." Anya said a little too loudly, as she too excused herself from the room. Anya usually said things a little loud which made Dawn relax the slightest bit.   
  
"Why don't you go wash up Dawn?" Tara suggested, "Xander will help me carry everything upstairs."   
  
"You sure?" Dawn asked, as she edged towards the stairs.   
  
"Positive." Tara replied with a reassuring smile, waving her hands at Dawn, who shrugged and did as was suggested of her.   
  
---  
  
"So guys," Dawn ventured to the tense silent group sitting around the dining room table, all of them avoiding eye contact with anything that wasn't their dinner. "What's going on? Is this an intervention or something?" Dawn added a fake laugh to that, "Because as far as I know I'm not..." She trailed off because if she continued she would be flat out lying to them. And she didn't want to do that. At least not while they all seemed to be going along with the standard issue Sunnydale obliviousness. It was nice just to ignore that something was up with her.   
  
"No not an intervention of any kind. We have some news. Well, we've been talking something over and we wanted to get your input on it." Willow sighed and turned to look directly at her, everyone else seemed to do the same at the same time. They were looking at her too much and she shrunk down in her chair, avoiding looking into their eyes because frankly, it was just a little bit freaky.   
  
"You see, some stuff is coming up that requires you to have a guardian. And since Giles is leaving..." They all waited for Anya to interject her thoughts on the subject, as she had recently taken to doing, but for once Anya held her tongue and Willow continued, "And none of us are likely to receive custody of you, we thought maybe it would be easiest if,"  
  
"Your sending me to my Dad?" Dawn asked, shocked that they would do that. She'd never even met the man for real, and they were just going to send her off to live with him.   
  
"No!" They all rushed to say.   
  
"Of course not!" Willow assured her, "That's the last thing we want."   
  
"Then what?" She asked.  
  
"Well, we thought it might be in your best interest to… rebuild the, the Buffy Bot." Willow stopped and took a gulp of her water, feeling as if the very name of her best friend, her dead best friend was enough to choke her.   
  
"But we wanted to give you final veto power." Xander interjected into the silence that followed, "We won't do it if you don't want us to." Giles and Tara murmured their agreement with his words.   
  
Dawn looked up to study their faces, all of them wore the mask she had become used to seeing in their presence. That strong, everything's already alright expression that she, on a day to day basis, hated and appreciated more than she would ever be able to express. Everyone had their own variation of that expression plastered on their face, except Spike. He wasn't as good at it as everyone else. Right then he wasn't even trying.   
  
He looked... furious as he glared at his empty plate, until he noticed she was watching him and he looked over at her and gave her a brittle smile and a nod. A nod that anyone else would think was on of encouragement, which it was, one encouraging her to do the right thing.   
  
'The right thing by him.' She thought nodding back imperceptibly and catching the look of relief that flooded his face before turning to look at Willow, her eyes narrowing slightly.   
  
"If it means we get to stay together than I think you should do it."   
  
There was a momentary silence before everyone breathed a sigh, of something, it didn't seem to be one of relief though the sound level in the room rose to a normal level one would expect to hear at a Scooby dinner. Dawn was grateful for it, as everyone seemed to forget their tenseness and lapse into the easy going relaxed attitude that they usually had. Dawn took the chance to look over at Spike, to see his reaction, he was avoiding looking at her again, but this time instead of glaring at his plate it was settled firmly on Willow.   
  
As if all this was her fault.   
  
Willow hadn't noticed, and Dawn reached over and grabbed her hand before she could turn and see the look of hate directed at her.   
  
"Thank you." Dawn said softly. Willow smiled in response and squeezed her hand, Dawn made a quick pass with her eyes over everyone at the table. No one else seemed to have heard.   
  
No one except Spike who glared with increased fury at the Witch.   
  
---  
  
TBC 


End file.
